I’ve toyed with the idea of telling you about my new single mum status. Sadly I would almost prefer to say my ex was swept away by a crashing wave on brighton beach but the truth is less dramatic and more a symptom of lack of sleep and an intense build of tension and in our case inability to support each other in our hour of need. Perhaps our cycle of love was only to be short-lived and our passion would dry up but there is a small part of me that believes you have to work very hard at happiness in a marriage, particularly when you have tiny children and one of them has horrible allergies.
30% of new parents split up in the first three years of their childs life..sad but true..why? Is it the simple fact of the women’s once comforting solid devotion to her partner has been replaced by a devotion and love never felt before. Is it a love affair that can surpass any previous understanding of love? My mother told me a few years ago that I was having a love affair with my children. I won’t deny the unbridled happiness when one of them reaches up to me or gently pats my back mirroring my endless reassuring back rubs. Having them has taken away the pain of the last year, the overflowing tears and aching loneliness when I spend weekends as a single mum, ferrying the children around, doing homework with Arthur whilst trying to entertain Wilfy, bathing, bedtime, cooking, cleaning. Most of all the sense that although 40% of our population are divorced that maybe if we had stuck at it we could have made it work.
It takes a very strong women to cope with an unwell baby. Lack of sleep sends me into the darkest space. I can’t see the light, I either spend my time shouting or crying. I can’t make sense of anything but my adrenaline never lets me rest. This is how I spent the first two years of Wilfy’s life, trying to make sense of it all. Discovering a whole new world of allergies and reflux.
I just hope that if you are a mum reading this feeling despair, remember you are strong and you can get through it and it WILL get better. I hope that you and your partner/husband can hold each other up and carry each other through the tiredness and worry. Although Wilfy is still coping with allergies he is so much better and you know what? I’m finding life as a single mum liberating and the bond with my boys grows ever stronger.
RIGHT!! now I must post some recipes….